Vogel park..near Blood Mt.


The crystalline sparkle of your eyes,

as beautiful as a mountain lake….

the wavy chocolate flow of your hair

streaming away like water down a cliff…

All ruined carelessly by the cruelties inside…

The subtle mockeries…

The pointless lies…

Brightly painted darkness

varnished over a sour core…

Why not just fall right in….

cleanse yourself…

polish souls like stream scoured stones…

then we can talk….



David L. Whitman 04/22/2012 from under a sky so blue…



8 thoughts on “Fakery…

  1. Wonderful poem, David!
    I like the contrasts of outward beauty with what is within.
    I love the rhythm and easy rhyme in the middle of the poem:
    “… cruelties inside…/ The subtle mockeries…/The pointless lies…”
    and also the consistency of metaphor, both the water (throughout) and here: “painted… varnished…polish…” — all seemingly fake, and fitting with your “mockeries” and “pointless lies” above. This is nicely tied together!
    I also like the question, “why not just fall right in?”– it seems to come from exasperation with her and is very believable, plus it puts you in as more than an observer. “then we can talk” — likewise.
    I like this line: “polish soul(s) like stream-scoured stones”
    Thank you, David. Sorry for such a long comment. I very much enjoyed this. It is beautiful, believable, full of thought and imagery. ~ Lily

  2. Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment….And, I wish people could change as easily as a quick bath in a pure lake…But I do think…for all of us, that it does take certain events…whatever they may be…to help us or encourage us to make a change…Once again, I loved your comment..really made my day:)

  3. this one is fantastic david! again, wanna dip in it 😉 my, there’s so much about the poem… i agree with kim there, i liked that line where polishing souls like stream scourned stones, that is brilliant 😉 .. my, i am really jealous of what your eyes could see 😉

    • This is one of my favs….I really struggled with that line and I’m so happy it turned out well…You’re a fantastic writer, Jymiely, and I’m so glad you like mine:)

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